A Widow’s Hope
In Biblical times, widowhood was almost like a death sentence. If people were not kind and helpful, that widow (often, the widow had a now orphaned child) would feel hopeless. Mind you, there were safeguards in place (the widows list) that were used to track and support those women and children. The temple had a tithe that was required for this purpose as well. The farmers were not allowed to reap full crops. They were required to leave the edges unharvested, for the poor.
Even then, younger widows were not considered “full widows” because they were able (likely) to remarry. With that, a widow’s inheritance (also known as bride inheritance) was around. This is also a cultural and social practice whereby a widow was required to marry a male relative of her late husband--often his brother.
The practice is more commonly referred as a levirate marriage, examples of which can be found in ancient and Biblical times.
What about today? How does a widow survive?
If she was not left a substantial amount of money, she would be immediately in great need. Her house, food, heat and other expenses that come with living all start to cause her walls to cave in on her. What happens now? Who takes care of her. Where does her help come from. Well… It is from the LORD, through people--His people. …supposed to be. Where are we? Where have we been?
Per Psalm 34:18, “The LORD is near the brokenhearted. He saves those crushed in spirit.” Similarly, Psalm 147:3 says this, “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”
The imagery of the LORD Himself carefully wrapping and bandaging up a wounded heart, yours and mine, would lead you to believe that He will not leave the widow nor her child struggling for hope and help.
He has us to help. Should He be concerned? Should she be concerned, when waiting on us, His people to assist and come to her aide? She should not, but at the same time, she should. We are not always consistent in our helpful efforts in Biblical matters. We just do stuff to feel better right now, no matter if it makes sense, or not.
The reality is that the feeling of loneliness is one of the most difficult parts of being a widow. Losing someone creates a gap that was caused by the departure from that life. Losing her spouse puts the widow into a position of isolation. Even if the widow is always surrounded by the most loving and supportive people (friends & family) there'd still be lonesome times when she'd go through a mental state of seclusion. I’ve encountered this with my own mother.
Widows need to be listened to, heard and understood. A handyman is gold, but a professional support system has to prove trustworthy. Any type of loss adds to widows' struggles. Widows are not always afforded respect, even from themselves.
It does not take a lot of effort to befriend a widow. You could quickly win her heart by understanding her profound loss. It is life changing and the grief that comes with it is everlasting. If you have not yet been through reflective loss, expanding your understanding of what grief feels like will do wonders for your relationship with a widow or widower.
Pressuring them to move on or to get over it is not helpful. We do not understand the pain and insecurity of a widow, until/unless we have lived on that road.
Widows can and often will feel emotionally and mentally trapped, when loneliness comes knocking. Complete helplessness does not assist with walking out of “that” place. We are to be willing and ready to assist in what way(s) we are able. When these symptoms appear, the next thought which hits a person in this state, can be depression.
Per Psalm 34:18, “The LORD is near the brokenhearted. He saves those crushed in spirit.” Similarly, Psalm 147:3 says this, “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”
We must be willing to be people who are eager to become more than by-standers.