The Disillusionment Stage of Marriage

What happens when one or both of you realize that the other person is “bad for you?”

This moment in time is when the blinders fall off and one of you sees the reality of the truth. Adjustments are being made and the lights come on.  You have just entered the “big letdown!” I have had a few of those. In high school, I was a not nice fella. After breaking it off with her, I played a head game, just to see what she would do. It was  all a game, for me.

Nope! …not cool.  

In this particular stage, you begin to realize that your partner is actually a normal human being. You get to know each other more and more, and as a result you start recognizing their various flaws and shortcomings.

You are beginning to see your partner in more relaxed situations, and you become more comfortable as well.

Since your body cannot possibly continue to produce the same levels of endorphins that it pumped out in the early going. …those feelings of being on top of the world start to decline.

Those cute habits of the “other” person aren’t quite as cute as they used to be, but there is still enough goodwill from the Romance Stage that you’re willing to overlook them. This stage can start to trickle into your relationship slowly, as you begin to see your partner for who she/he really is.  

Sometimes relational disappointment happens all of a sudden, when there has been some sort of dishonesty or deceit. This phase can be confusing and discouraging, since you’ve just experienced so much openness and connection in the Romance Stage. However, at this point, your main job is to learn how to communicate and resolve conflict with this person effectively, which is an important skill if you want your relationship to continue.