I Married the Wrong Person
Have you ever asked yourself, “Did I marry the wrong person?” There are folks that will say that when/should things get tough. I can almost lay a 100% guarantee that the same person was not saying that when things appeared problem free. What gives?
Two opposite people, with differing opinions and a selfishness problem. That is what every person has to offer the marriage. Those things are innate within each of us. It is the “me” syndrome. Now what? You knew some of that when you were swimming in the cesspool of emotions. You saw it, but ignored it.
I can’t honestly say that everyone asks that hurt-filled question, “Did I marry the wrong person?” It is a difficult thing to believe that we make decisions with emotions, sex and looks that will cost us in the long run.
You may say, “It may not be so terrible marrying a person who has had at least 20 sex partners.” That decision has to be driven by a moral or a Biblical standard. Something or Someone must be a Resource for your life and belief system—for choice.
Did you not ask those questions before you became #21? Why not just save yourself for a while to watch to see what you are getting into? When you get to the marriage bed, you will be pure and hope that the other person is too. If they were not honest with you, you now have some stuff to work through. Most of it stems from lies and mistrust.
Did you marry the wrong person? Not likely. Initially, they were perfect.
Unless you got married in the first week to 30 days, you had an idea who you were planning to share your bed, family, life, fears, bank account and children with. Hopefully, you two were/are aware of where the both of you stand on Biblical matters.
We all have the time to survey, listen to and watch the person we are goose-pimply and drooling over.
If you are one to date often and frequently learn new ways to play “hot potato”, those series of events are setting you up for an emotional roller coaster. You and I both know that is true. Being in the dating world is scary. It can be very uncomfortable, because you have no idea what you are connecting to. Dating is scary, but marriage is hard!
It (marriage) brings out the very best and the ultimate worst in all of us; and when your relationship feels hard, it’s the most natural thing in the world to wonder if everything would be easier if YOU were with a different person.
One thing I can tell you for sure, this work is waiting for you, whether you do it now, or with another partner five or ten years in the future. There is no perfect partner and there is no relationship without its blemishes and warts. There are without a doubt, imperfect people. Some of them are doing their best to love and support each other. Sometimes, we all need a little help. If you went in with eyes closed and your heart wide open, you will likely require a whole lot of support! Don’t run though! That person could turn out to be for you, “just what the doctor ordered.”
It is time to get to work!
Honesty and questions will get you both further down the road; and that road is not leading you to divorce court, it may guide you both to a superb legacy of decades of marriage and maybe a few children and hordes of grandchildren. …IF you fight for him or her. Together, you can contend for your marriage relationship and family.
Here is a loaded question. Is it better to divorce or stay unhappily married?
FYI, divorce does not and often will not improve the psychological well-being of unhappy spouses. Their stressors and negative symptoms will increase compared to the unhappily married spouses who stayed married.
TIP #1: Don’t have sex while dating. Don’t employ any petting techniques. Those things mess up commitment and trust. You can find out a lot about a person and their character if sex and “stuff” are not manipulating and leading the emotions.
TIP #2: Choices are being made for us concerning him or her, while we are in the infatuation stage. When you start feeling the turn towards something more binding, you should have already been asking “the” questions.
TIP #3: A joint effort is how relationships are built. Ask questions about stuff you want to know. If you are not certain, ask someone who has been married for some time. Actually, ask both sexes to get differing perspectives.
TIP #4: The below signs make the choices for you. If these are already problems for you in the beginning and you don’t work on them to find a fix, terminate the relationship BEFORE you say “I will” put up with them for a few years and leave the covenant relationship.
Emotional disconnection
Perpetual conflict
Unrealistic expectations
Values differences
“I thought I could change or, fix him or her” and “Those things I saw and knew did not seem like big deals at the time.”
I mentioned “honesty” earlier. If we are trying to use that description, we also have to acknowledge some couples were really never a good match to begin with. That is usually known and understood during the dating, finding out and learning period.
More often, two people start out in a relationship that is overflowing with love and potential and then have unfortunate experiences together that damage their connection. Sometimes that damage is way beyond repair. Kinda like a car, when it has been totaled, or, after a tornado hits your home.
Those cases are tragic, because if they got the support they needed sooner, they may have been able to save their marriages and the people.