Be in Relationships with People Who are “Healthy”

If you decided to stop and click on this particular post, you are wondering, “why did I stop here”? I am not certain, but I encourage you to keep reading.  It is long but keep reading. This look through may be able to save you a few tears in the future. Here is a tip I thought would have come in earlier, like when I was in my twenties. I was actually somewhat mature for my age. Maybe because I had already been through so much in my life. …LOTS of pain, heartache and sadness! All of those were while I was still in middle to high school.

Here is a suggestion I believe is worth living by. Starting at age 18, when you move on from graduation night and choose to “be in Relationships with people who are healthy.” I was talking to a buddy of mine the other day and she said that. I could not write that down fast enough. I knew I would be writing about that.

Healthy relationships are characterized by trust, honesty, and authenticity. People with healthy relationships are more likely to engage in healthy behaviors. Social connections are also keys to good health, and socially connected people tend to live longer and are at lower risk for stupid stuff happening.

Strong, healthy relationships act as a buffer and provide crucial support during challenging times. Beneficial associations are paramount to maturity and sensible choice making.  

Have you ever looked back at a previous relationship and wondered, “What was I thinking?” It may feel surprising to look back and realize how unhealthy a relationship was and wonder how you endured it for as long as you did. That’s why hindsight is 20/10.

Perhaps you haven’t been in an unhealthy relationship yourself, but you’ve wondered why a friend or family member stays in a relationship that is clearly making them unhappy. Uhg! I see this often in my own world.  I have to keep my mouth shut because I am not the one who believes, “this is where I belong”.

Similar to a smudged windshield, it can be tough to see what’s right in front of you until the gunk is wiped away. You know that is true.

Often, it’s not a lack of awareness that keeps people stuck in unhealthy relationships; deep down inside there is a voice calling for their attention urging them to face the truth but it’s being buried due to stuff.

If you learned early on to associate love with high conflict, volatility, or inconsistency, there may be a part of you subconsciously holding onto hope that maybe this time, things will be different. As a result, letting go of this type of relationship can feel like a threat to your attachment system because it’s forcing you to let go and face the reality that you chose poorly and knew it already.

In the 80s I had invested a significant amount of time and energy in that type of relationship… That was one of my follies. I paid for it.  

When dating someone new, it can be helpful to take a “what you see is what you get” approach and perhaps be pleasantly surprised as you learn more about the person, but not the other way around. If you attach your worth to your relationship status, you are in trouble.

Your association status does not define you. When you attach your worth to another person, you just lost that particular battle and you likely don’t know who you are outside of that bond. If you experienced a loss of identity or your support system during this relationship, you may be having a difficult time letting go because you may not know who you are outside of it.

Let’s say that “pain” is evident in this thing you call family or love. There are some hidden advantages woven in there. I was discussing the benefits of pain in life and injuries. There are some.

There is a likelihood that we will build resilience and strength through the hurt. Okay. That could be good. What are you trying to cultivate during this stretch? Are you working on building up your empathy or even a certain level of sympathy? Pain does challenge us to confront our limits and often surpass them.

Many people do not really see the joy of life until they can recognize the pain they have come through. That seems crazy, but it is a verifiably true statement. I know you have met someone. Maybe that person you see every day in the mirror. You can look at it like this… Without pain, the beauty of joy would be less vivid.

What of shame? I have heard and even repeated this statement, “There is no shame in GOD”. Shame in relationships often lies hidden, beneath the awareness of each spouse. Yet, shame can have a powerful impact on each person and in how they interact with each other, particularly during stressful times. Embarrassment is defined as believing we are flawed and unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Healthy guilt prompts us to make amends and take corrective action.

Toxic shame disconnects us from others.

Nature of Christ is most certainly shrouded in Kindness.  Do you have a relationship with Him? Have you said that you did but you really know that you do not?

If your mate is kind and does not resemble what we have understood about the Christ, what is wrong with this comparison?  Kindness in a relationship involves consistent consideration for the other person’s feelings, needs, and overall well-being. True kindness is the bedrock of healthy relationships that are key to our well-being. When we are asked to describe our close friendships, we most likely use the word “kind.” Is their kind like your definition or someone else’s? Lastly, does it resemble the one Jesus has towards all He encountered?

The Christ possesses two distinct natures: a divine nature and a human nature, which are inseparably united in one person.

This dual nature of Jesus allows Him to be both TRUE GOD and TRUE man, affirming His divinity, pre-existence, and eternal relationship with the Father.

Understanding the nature of Christ is crucial for recognizing Him not just as a historical figure but as the divine Son of God and Savior.

Be in Relationships with people who are healthy. It will without a doubt change the direction and trajectory you are headed.