The Pain and Cycle of Abuse and Violence
PAIN! It comes and presents itself in ways that are often indescribable. Which one of us has not had the experience of asking someone whether anything is wrong? It is blatantly obvious from their expression or tone of voice that they're upset—only to have them respond, "No, I'm fine."
Being honest is tough, when we are broken and crawling in the dirt internally! However, we must trust someone at some point.
When we are not open, we delay the opportunity to get some reprieve or emotional support.
In such instances, clearly, they're not fine but retreating into themselves to avoid a dialogue they fear might end up making them feel worse. We must start the healing somewhere.
Tendencies toward denial, withdrawal, and self-isolation are common in reaction to deeply felt emotional pain. In fact, one clue that a person is feeling distressed may be in their becoming unusually quiet, detached or shut down. Such silence speaks volumes, and generally the message is, "I'm not going to risk you hurting me more than you already have. [with that] I'm putting a wall between us."
It’s impossible to go through life without causing hurt to those people we love. We may have to do this for their own good.
EX 1: When we need to be firm with a child who we believe is engaged in destructive behaviors.
EX 2: We may inflict pain on another person when we need to do what is right for us, such as leaving a relationship.
Most of us feel bad about inflicting hurt and might stay in situations way too long for fear of hurting our loved ones. But some people go through life causing a great deal of hurt to other people, including family members, working relationships, long-term friends, spouses and even their own children.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” —Ephesians 4:29
When you’re on the receiving end of this with someone close, it can be unbelievably frustrating.
What is the good news in all of this? Is there any? If it really does come down to a lack of understanding instead of maliciousness—and the other person (and you) are willing to learn and change—you both can work on ways to improve communication and set ground rules for what is and what is not acceptable behavior for the equality and security, you desire.
When the “tells” of Self-dislike and Low self-esteem are visible, that person is vulnerable. If you are not aware, you could become a victim.
This is not a gender prejudiced problem, men and women alike all have emotion, feelings and fears that follow us from our childhood and current adulthood relationship experiences.
Men are often afraid that divulging wounded feelings will compromise their masculinity.
Women often worry that disclosing their emotional distress may lead them to be told they're "too sensitive."
Being able to know your weak points and self-identify your struggle is a big deal and wonderful accomplishment!
NOTE: These are opportunities for assistance during our Bridges to the Community “Bridges” gatherings (see the events page on the Home Screen). We work to meet you right where you are and offer each person the room to listen, share and invest into themselves--as we are investing into them at the same time. GOD’s Truth meets us “there”!
NOTE: As our faith grows, through our trust of His Word, we all find healing and hope that seemed lost or unattainable. Each Word seed we plant into our hearts (minds), will eventually become a crop of wheat that will ultimately be ground down to make the bread of life we are all searching for. Jesus (Yeshua) tells us that, He is the “Bread of Life.” It means, He IS our sustenance for the very existence we have today. There is no true living outside of Him.
NOTE: Sustenance is... our nourishment, food, nutrition and the fuel we need to survive this life. Yes. It is all a spiritual concept. Bridges helps any and all to seek restoration and renewal, with the Scriptures as our Main Source of hope and healing. All else that comes from those encounters are natural responses, from a renewed resolution and optimism.
Abuse (and rejection) in any form is the act of improper usage or treatment of a person or thing, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit and/or control. Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, assault, violation, rape, unjust practices, crimes, or other types of aggression.
To these descriptions, one can also add the notion of the wrongness of using another human being as means to an end rather than as ends in themselves. It stands to reason that this is damaging behavior and any one person struggling with this needs help.
Jesus makes us free, if we trust Him, by an active faith. Please invest in the knowledge and understanding of the Truth of GOD.
Children: Child abuse and neglect occur when a parent or caregiver harms a child physically, sexually, psychologically, or by failing to care for their needs.
Adults: Adult abuse is similar to child abuse in that it involves one person harming another, but the victim is an adult. It can be physical, sexual, psychological, or emotional in nature.
The elderly: Elder abuse is physical, psychological, sexual, or material harm or neglect inflicted on a person who is 65 years old or older. Older adults without family or friends, or those who are disabled or have memory problems, are at an increased risk of experiencing abuse.
“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” -Proverbs 12:18
While each type of abuse is different and can range in severity, frequency, and duration, they can all have a significant impact on overall well-being. Regardless of the reason, abuse is never justified, and it is never the fault of the victim. In some cases, we can all find ourselves as a victim. Even those who consider themselves strong.
God is THE GOD of justice: Despite what we may believe, He is NOT okay with abuse. In fact, the Bible tells us that “the Creator hates violence and injustices done to the vulnerable” -Psalm 11:5 & Proverbs 17:15
GOD sees and hears our pain: The Bible tells us that “ADONAI is not far off but close to the brokenhearted” -Psalm 34:18
Physical Abuse: This involves one person injuring the body of another person and can be inflicted on a person of any age and within any type of relationship. Physical abuse that occurs within a marriage or among partners that live together is called domestic violence.
A few types of physical abuse include: hitting, hair-pulling, restraining and using a weapon, like a knife or a gun
The Cycle of Abuse, or Cycle of Violence, is a (4) stage pattern that abusive behavior can take:
Tension-building phase: Where the “victim becomes fearful and feels the need to satisfy the abuser.”
Incident: This can include physical, emotional or verbal abuse. There may be anger, blaming, threats and intimidation.
Reconciliation: Where the abuser apologizes, gives excuses, blames the victim, or denies the abuse occurred.
Calm: Where the abuser acts like the abuse never happened, and the victim may be in denial or feel relieved that the abuse is over.
Psychological or emotional abuse is when one person purposely harms the mental well-being of another person in a non-physical way, sometimes referred to as nonphysical abuse.
An emotional abuser uses many, many tactics. It is common for victims of abuse to feel guilty. This can be the result of thoughts that they should have done something to prevent or stop the abuse, or that they did something wrong to deserve the abuse.
Sexual abuse involves sexual violence or exploitation or forcing someone to engage in sexual activity against their will.
Forms of sexual abuse include rape, forcing someone to watch pornography or taking pictures of them in sexual poses, forcing someone to dress in a suggestive manner or threatening to withhold something if someone does not have sex with you.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” --1 Corinthians 13:4-7