“Selfishness” in Marriage Should Not Surprise Anyone

Marriage is full of surprises, just wait for them. It does not matter if you love Jesus, you are a satanist, or somewhere in-between, you are people and are inherently selfish!

We all will need to seek out some tips that will help us to peacefully navigate conflict. Being selfish is a major avenue for a fight, or ‘disruption’ of marital harmony. If you want the matrimonial expectations to last ‘until death parts’, you will need to learn what a friendship looks like.  Your best and closest friend cannot be a person outside of that intimate bond. …especially, not the opposite sex!

Selfishness is a concern for one's own welfare or benefit at the expense of another. There is often an intentional disregard of others and their needs, thoughts or opinion. Relationship apathy is a dangerous landmine to walk through. I have been around some folks who were way beyond selfish (in my opinion and estimation). That self-seeking definition is known and expressed as narcissism.

Egoism and self-interest are as destructive as a wrecking ball in a glass front toy or department store. is characterized by excessive interest in oneself. A person who seeks their own is concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself. That individual will usually concentrate on the methods and ways in which to gain their own advantage and/or pleasure.

How will these actions ever fit in a marriage? How ever will any marriage be successful with these choking weeds being fed and watered?

If you and I ask 100 people “What causes selfishness?” What do you suppose the answers will look like? Emotional, mental and sometime financial greediness are the tendencies to prioritize one's own desires and needs above the needs and desires of other people. These “fruit” are what grows from the weeds we mentioned a few lines ago.

There are many reasons that can contribute to self-centeredness: cultural and personality are good starting points. Some people may be more prone to selfishness due to their upbringing, environment, or mental health condition. Selfishness can and most often will have negative effects on one's relationships, well-being and moral values.

Yep. I said, “moral values”. People have been known to make changes in the hope that the other person will become better, to help the relationship.

…consider the independence of living separate lives, even though married.

What does friendship in marriage look like and how can it be nourished? It does not resemble vanity.

Selfishness in marriage can manifest in various ways and have significant negative effects. There are some key points to consider. A few signs are common that tend to present themselves. What have I experienced when dealing with that type of personality?  

Common signs include ignoring your spouse's feelings, insisting on having your own way, and prioritizing personal comfort over the relationship.

We all need to know that selfish behavior can and will create emotional distance between spouse and friendships, leading to resentment and dissatisfaction in the relationship.

To overcome selfishness, couples should communicate openly, acknowledge their behavior, and actively work towards being more selfless and caring in the relationship.

Addressing selfishness is crucial for fostering a healthy and thriving marriage. If you have resorted to the question, “Why did I marry you anyway?” There are more issues at hand than you see or are aware of.

Growing in prayer as a couple is a must. Even if you are a non-believer or satanist, I suggest reaching out to the One Who is unknown to you. He would be the only One to help renew and restore that fractured bond.

Being in touch with one’s own weaknesses and struggles will often help us to identify the needs we actually have.

“I no longer have interest in us.” “Why did we start this?” This may even be something you, or both of you have asked. Loss of interest can create a cycle from which it's hard to break free. With this decreased interest, you might stop spending time with your mate and begin engaging in things that normally help you feel less connected. If you have read any of the other marital posts, the word, “isolation” should be familiar to you.

This increased isolation, decreased activity, and lower social support of your spouse can then play a part in making you feel more anxious and depressed. Feeling a loss of interest can make it harder to do the things your marriage needs from day to day. It can leave you feeling apathetic, disinterested, and unmotivated to do much investing at all.

As a reminder, good marriages can always be made better!

 If you are struggling and are unsure how to articulate what you feel, or understand about yourself, how do you expect your mate to know and try to help?

Maybe start the “healing” by asking questions of your self and answer them with honest responses. Many people don’t know what drives them to think, feel, and act in unhealthy ways. They also are so far out of touch with their real needs that they can’t think of what they are. Yet, knowing both your needs and needs is essential for finding meaning and satisfaction, thus, uncovering the pathways for hope to come in and for the struggling you to walk out.

Learning what your own needs and likewise, understanding your needs, will often bring some sense of relief because you have greater clarity in your life—you finally see what your life needs. You can now share, rather than take.